Hello, Food Network?!

We have not had cable tv for almost 10 years. Hard to believe, I know. Trust me, we have spent all the monetary savings on other things, like horse bedding and fence. But the psychological "savings" are without measure. My children haven't been exposed to thousands of murders, crimes against women and smut-without-end.

There are certainly things we would have enjoyed watching. We are probably the only people to have checked out an entire season of Ask This Old House, from the library--and watch it from beginning to end, with delight! It is great to have online access to tv shows and movies nowadays. How handy it is to pick and choose at our convenience, and without most of the ads.

Because we DON'T HAVE A KITCHEN, we eat frequently at my mother-in-law's house. Bonus: She has cable. We, of course, gravitate to the Food Network. Our favorite is Chopped. I know most of you have been watching this for eons. But it is relatively new to us. (We tend to be about 3 years behind on most things, including fashion.)



We really love Chopped. We pick up children late, so we can watch Chopped. We take children home to bed past their bedtime so we can finish episodes of Chopped. We critique it. We compare it. We have teared-up watching it. We are planning living it in our new kitchen!

But I really think they should change the parameters for a show that has professional chefs as contestants. Yeah, the time limit thing is a challenge, but please--They have access to every amenity, appliance and ingredient. They don't even have to clean up after themselves, other than wiping the little plate rims!

You want a challenge?! How about NO cooktop, NO oven, 4 sq. ft. of prep space, which is a plastic folding table? You have a microwave, toaster oven, rice cooker, crock pot and electric skillet; but must use only one outlet--and it is touchy, sometimes turning things off without your knowledge. There is one propane burner--but it is OUTSIDE--which does affect your cooking in winter, as well as the length of time you are willing to stand there.

There is an almost-empty freezer, limited produce and three hungry children. One of them doesn't like ground meat. One of them won't eat chicken if it resembles a chicken. One of them doesn't like mushrooms. Nobody wants a sandwich and everybody wants homemade macaroni and cheese. The grocery is ONLY 3 miles away. You have 45 minutes, but your significant other is on his way home, after having had a catered lunch...clock is ticking!


Your basket contains: 1 pkg. frozen chicken tenders, 1 large potato, some dehydrated onions, turkey pepperoni, frozen corn and whole-wheat tortillas. There are some pickled beets, cottage cheese and Paul Newman's Caesar dressing in the refrig. Afterwards you can clean it all up, take out and feed the dogs, clean the horse stalls, do some laundry and then prepare for tomorrow.

Those guys are pansies! (Although the episode with powdered strawberry milk and cheese curls was a toughie!)

One night, after Chopped ended--waaaah!--we watched Worst Cooks in America. How sad is that? We all thought it sounded pretty lame, but we watched. (What is the matter with this country that we have people barely able to feed themselves, let alone their families??)



A couple of things happened as a result:

1. I am much more confident in my "kitchen". (I felt like Emeril next to those people!)
2. I don't have trouble getting things to the table at the same time.
3. I know how a can-opener operates.
4. I have actually made sausage from scratch! (Thank you Needa!)

Although my hair often looks like Chef Anne; Handyman has assured me, I do not qualify for that show!

Whew!