Compatibility

Can a marriage survive remodeling?

This is a very important consideration, prior to that first sledge hammer strike. Remodeling is not for the faint of heart. DIY remodeling is not for the sane. This is my (our) second go 'round of serious remodeling. This one has lasted longer than the last one. Cost more than the last one. And we're older doing it--thus more strain and weariness.

We are pretty close to the same place on most everything. But whenever we want to test our separateness, we just head to the nearest big-box DIY store. Handyman has pretty high-end taste. Hence our continuous state of "no retirement savings". He doesn't go for cheap, quick or halfway.

I, on the other hand, revel in the bargain. But, after two decades with the man, I have grown accustomed to the niceties he has brought my way. He can get a little bogged down in the sedate and predictable. Which is why he fell for me--flamboyant, dramatic, prone to color jags. We complement one another.

The biggest fight we ever had was over what color red to paint our master bathroom, at our old house. It went on for weeks. My friend Anita explained to me that men will always go for orange-reds, while women will gravitate to more blue-reds (lipstick). She was right. I finally won that particular battle--not sure how, really.

So here we are back in that position again. We avoided much of it so far, by bringing our previous paint colors with us to this house--honestly. We wrote them all down and have re-used them, albeit in different rooms. And now we need to choose some things for the kitchen. I found some lights to hang over the island, in a magazine. Looked them up on the internet, only $3400 EACH. Yikes!

Handyman, of course, wants these retro-metal things that look like they came out of Frankenstein's lab, or these clear bulbs with filament showing, on fabric cords. I want those swirly ceramic, vivid color pendants. He wants tan. :/ We move on to something else.

He wants a farmhouse sink. I want a sink that doesnt require a special cabinet and doesn't cost more than a car payment. He wants tile in the breezeway; He's not getting it.

He asked me to go dishwasher shopping. I refused. I told him I don't have time. Here are my parameters for a dishwasher: 1. It must work, well. As in 3x/day for 10 years. And 2. It must cost less than $1200. That's all I ask. That, and that he is not allowed to remove the existing one until he has one, in a box in the middle of the kitchen.

Several people have said to me, recently, "You are such a trooper. How do you put up with it?" Perhaps the strain is beginning to show, but mostly I just say, "What choice do I have?" I can't sit around crying. I have to keep feeding people.

We (and I use that term VERY loosely) are now mudding the drywall in the kitchen and half-bath. We were going to put those faux tin tiles on the bathroom ceiling, but they were going to total out around $160, and we just didn't want to spend it there, now. We can always add that later. Right now, we need flooring, sink, dishwashers, countertops, hood, under-counter beverage cooler, disposal, prep sink, cabinet handles.

Yes, I did say "dishwashers", plural. I think that would be awesome. We love to have people over. At least we used to, back when we could. And we could never get everything in one load. So the sink sat full of dishes, while the dishwasher ran. And when I got up in the morning, there were MORE DISHES TO RUN. Blech.

Sometimes I get my way on these things. Sometimes I don't. I have learned not to be too pushy. He can get a little mule-ish. For now, I'm just trying to avoid the laboratory lighting. Every so often I feel of wave of weakness that just makes me say, "I don't care what you do. Just get it done. I'll pretend this is how it was when I moved in."