Pretty much a toss-up!

I have an OLD newspaper cartoon in my daytimer, that I have carried around for almost a decade. It was such a perfect representation of my lifestyle, that I cut it out of my parents' newspaper as well, so I could have two. One for me and one for the side of my refrigerator.

The cartoon shows Satan standing next to two portals. Each has a sign over it; one reads "Eternal Hellfire and Damnation", the other: "Living in Your House While You Remodel". Satan is looking at the poor soul next to him and says, "It's pretty much a toss-up, don't you think?"

It still makes me smile, a little.

We bought a "fixer-upper", an "as is". We were young, foolish, and at the pinnacle of the housing bubble. We sold our little bungalow near a small university for more money than we thought it was worth. But dag-gone if some yuppie couple didn't agree to pay us that much! So we took it and headed for the hills.

Well, not exactly the hills. It's pretty level here in the middle of the midwest. We headed for the country. Well, not exactly the country. There is a Target in less than 8 miles. And a Wal-mart, and a Menards (Praise the Lord!), and a Barnes & Noble...and a Bed-Bath-And-Beyond.

We bought the butt-ugliest house in the nicest part of the circle we had drawn on our map, using a tupperware lid. We made a circle for how far we were willing to drive into town. And every Sunday, we went house hunting. For a year. I lost count of the realtors who gave up on us. We looked at OLD houses, suburban houses and farm houses.

And one day, we found it. It had an abandoned car in high weeds next to the driveway. And an old corrugated metal shed full of appliances. It smelled strongly of mold and pets. It was u-G-L-Y. But it had land, and as my mother-in-law so famously told me, "Sweetie, they don't make land anymore."

It wasn't old, or suburban or a farm house. The MLS listing sheet said Cape Cod. Wasn't that either. What it was, was way off the road. Lots of mature trees, with flat grass land to the front, 6 whole acres of it.

Built in '73, with the original '73 windows, siding, trim and shag carpet. The original powder blue counter tops, and a red toilet. The only thing it had going for it on the inside, was wide-plank pegged hardwood floors, almost everywhere.

Even better than that, there were NO neighbors in sight. Surrounded on three sides by farmland and a creek, with an old orchard to boot. I know it sounds ridiculously perfect, in lots of ways. And it is, which is why we were willing to suffer through this process.

The owner had mysteriously bad measurement skills, and an incredibly high perception of himself. We had Divine Intervention on our side.

We would need it...